Riverdale: The River's Edge

Here. We. Go.

OK, this is the show I've been waiting for. Right off the bat we have statutory rape, incest, friends hooking up with friend's crush, and so much red hair dye you could fill Tom Brady's warming coat all the way up...

The drama in this show is real. I actually don't know if I can handle it. We'll see. 

So, the extremely close Blossom twins, Cheryl and Jason, start us off in River's Edge, as we see them making their way to the lake to do whatever it is brother and sister lovers do. Advice to Cheryl...

Don't wear those shoes, girl. This is not practical. I get the feeling that they don't do things practically in Riverdale, though. 

So Cheryl gets discovered shortly after, sitting on a rock crying for her brother who supposedly drowned. Her story claims they were in a canoe and she reached from the boat to retrieve a glove when the boat tipped and Jason fell out. Apparently their parents only paid for Cheryl's swim lessons. 

All of the important citizens of Riverdale gather by the river's edge to watch the search for Jason's body unfold, when all of a sudden Craig from Night at the Roxbury shows up! 

I'm sure Lochlyn Munro has been involved with several other projects since that late 90s comedy, but he will always be Craig to me. Here he is Betty's dad, and I think I feel sorry for him. Betty's mom seems like a piece of work but I'm really excited to see how the relationship between Betty and her mother goes. 

Poor Betty. Her mom is almost the worst and Betty is in love with Archie, who is also the worst. I know Betty and Archie are supposed to be the best of friends, but Betty seems like a way better friend than Archie. Of course Archie is in love with his music teacher and he's super into Veronica at the same time, so this shouldn't surprise me any. But poor Betty. 

She really didn't want Veronica around Archie. But soon enough Betty and Veronica would be besties, making out to secure a spot on the cheerleading team. I wasn't really sure why Veronica thought that kissing would make them shoo-ins during their tryouts, but she seemed convinced. In the end, Cheryl, who is positioned at the top of the pecking order and inevitably the top judge on the cheerleading team, didn't respond to the kiss. Cheryl apparently responds to threats and confidence. Veronica says all the right things with the appropriate tone and is able to secure her spot, as well as Betty's on the team. Go Veronica! I'm liking her. 

This is another relationship I'm eager to see develop. Veronica and Betty are my favorite things about the show so far, you know, besides all the drama. I love the drama. V and B deliver the drama too, though. The crew ends up at a party hosted by Cheryl towards the end of this episode. Being high school kids, they play a spin the bottle/seven minutes in heaven type game. I can't remember if they had a name for it, but I know there was a bottle involved and a closet and several minutes alone time with another party member. Of course Veronica and Archie are lucky enough to win seven minutes together. And of course they do more than just talk even though they both know Betty is ridiculously in love with Archie. I blame Archie for this because I don't like him and I like Veronica. I'm like that. I really can't understand why all these girls are into the wanna be John Mayer of the group. This is exactly what the world needs, attractive douchebags playing acoustic guitar. Not. 

The world, and this show, could probably use more of Josie and the Pussycats, or at least their music over Archie's mopey songs about his love affair with Grundy. We didn't get much of Josie, but "you're staring at our pussycat ears, which is rude" was my favorite line in this whole episode. All of the attitude thrown Archie's way was amusing. 

Archie is seriously terrible. I like him, but he's terrible. This thought was cemented when he fed Betty this line at the end, "you're too good for me." Wait. No. It's not me, it actually is you, you're too good for me. But this is the immature response I expect from a hormonal driven teen, so I can't be mad. I can, however, dislike Archie for the time. It's all these hidden injuries I'm harboring from my traumatic high school experiences. This show is forcing me to relive them. I kind of love it. 

• Riverdale brings us all the drama we want and then some. So, go grab your twin brother, your 90210 dad, and get a ride from the hot teacher and let’s dive into River’s Edge!
• Jughead is our narrator and Riverdale is about is about as typical as towns come, until the July 4th, when ginger twins Cheryl and Jason Blossom, decide to go on not a totally incest date

  

  Not an incest date . . .

  river ride in a canoe. Jason ends up missing, presumed dead, allegedly all because Cheryl dropped a glove into the water, he leaned over and tipped the canoe over.

  

  So not an incest date . . .

• Fast forward to the last day of summer break and we meet the rest of our main cast. Betty and gay BFF Kevin prep for Betty’s other BFF (and love interest) Archie’s return.
• Archie apparently got super hot by working at his father’s construction site all summer, because you know construction work gives all works 6 pack abs and muscles to boot.
• While Archie and Betty hang out at the local teen hang out spot, a diner called the Choc’lit Shop, Veronica lodge arrives in town with her mother, Hermoine, who is facing embezzlement charges. At first sight, Archie is instantly attracted to Veronica, but we all know his heart wants someone else. (HINT: It’s not Betty either).

  

  Archie was totally into Veronica's Grim Reaper cloak

• The first day of school finds Veronica and Betty becoming instant friends, more so via Veronica’s pushing to be BFF’s. Once Kevin spills the beans about Betty’s desires to date Archie, Veronica instantly becomes her biggest cheerleader.

  

  Probably the three most likable characters thus far . . .
• Soon, we meet Josie and the Pussycats, who Archie wants to take lessons from because over the summer he decided he wants to singer and wrote some songs, but Josie and the Pussycats are not giving anyone the time of day.

  

  Long tails and ears for hats!
• Later at lunch, Veronica, while chilling with Betty, Kevin and Archie we meet Cheryl, who is also the head cheerleader and has some serious issues with Betty.
• At a pep rally we learn over the summer, after becoming a seriously hot ginger because of construction work, Archie and his teacher Ms. Grundy ( so not a Felicity knockoff from CW’s other show, Arrow) had a-GASP!-torrid affair in the back of doombuggie! Apparently those feelings still linger because both of them have the most intense, longing stare off while somehow no one else noticed, even though it was so obvious.  

  

  #NotFelicity

• When he goes to #NotFelicity for help with his “music”, which she denies, we learn on the 4th of July, they were canoodling near the river the morning that the incest twins took their forbidden boat ride and they heard a gunshot! (dun-Dun-DUN!)

  

  Stacy's mom has got it going on . . .

• Everyone who thinks Cheryl killed her brother, raise your hand . . .
  
• Betty and Veronica tryout for cheerleading and Cheryl wants nothing to do with Betty, especially after she cannot push Betty over the edge, but wants Veronica to be on the team. Veronica insists they come as a pair and so they both become cheerleaders.

  

  Front Handspring Step Out, Round off, Back Handspring, Step Out, Round Off, Backhand Spring, Full Twisting Layout
• Betty later opens up to Veronica about her sister’s history with Cheryl’s twin brother, Jason. They dated, he was abusive, it became toxic and her mom is also psycho, so Polly is now in a mental institution!
• Veronica urges Betty to ask Archie to the dance and Betty awkwardly asks him to go with her- and Veronica!

  

  Not Awkward . . .

• The dance is oddly decorated with giant flyers of Jason Blossom and once again, Archie sulks over teacher, #NotFelicity and easily convinces her to do an “independent study” with him to work on his music.
• Betty confesses her feelings to Archie but he can only think about his teacher, #NotFelicity
• The after party is held at Cheryl’s and everyone goes because she is so awesome to be around (sarcasm). Cheryl insists they play spin the bottle and ends up throwing Archie and Veronica in the closet.

  

  Veronica: We're not to kiss . . .

  

  Archie: We're not going to kiss . . .

  

  They Kiss . . .

  
  
  
• While searching for Betty, Archie runs into Jughead who is writing a novel of everything going down Riverdale.
• Archie finds Betty and again breaks her heart by telling her he will never be good enough for her.
• And finally, while having a secret date with closet case Moose (the dumb school jock), Kevin finds Jason’s body with a bullet hole in the head!

  

  Boy Bye!

• The final scene shows everyone gathered at the mountain top the next morning, like you do, to watch the body being taken away while Jughead promises that soon the first arrest is made! End Scene!

*****Extra Tidbits*****

• Riverdale looks like it’s going to be such a fun show!
• Archie is the worst. Veronica seems cool and I like her friendship with Betty. I’d like to see more from Jughead and Kevin was a character I really liked.
• Hermoine and Lucky Perry (Archie’s dad) have history and given the bag of money Hermoine mysteriously received, we have a long way to go.
• Betty’s mom is C-R-A-Z-Y and really does not like gingers.

  

  Introducing Crazy Pants!

• I’d also like to see more from Josie and the Pussycats too!

Questions:

• Who do you think killed Jason and Why?
• Were Cheryl and Jason close or were they “close?”

GMW 3.21 Girl Meets Goodbye

• Welcome to the final review of GMW’s final episode. You will notice changes have already began to take effect at WindowlessReviews, so, please bare with us as we work out the kinks of the site. On with the show!
• We’ve arrived at the surprisingly end of GMW (for now- I’m an optimist and believe given the chance, another network may want this show to shape it in what it into what it should be).

  

  Your face when you realize what GMW could have been!

• We pick up at what is presumably the next day, back in school, Riley and Maya arrive at class, to find their whole class is sad, because without Riley they have no class. Their lesson is on Belgium 1831 and it failed after gaining it’s independence. Everyone fears their friendships will fail when Riley moves.

  

  Sad class be sad!

• There is also a bit about Carrie Ableson, who was in the group in grade school and she moved and they soon forgot about her. Turns out, Carrie is still in their class and she only moved across the street. Kids are so shallow . . .

  

  If Riley leaves we can have Smackle meets World!

• We must suffer through one last Auggie and Ava scene. It’s usual antics with Ava speaking in a British accent because she wants to move with them and Topanga fearing that Ava may really end up going with them. Ava questions how do they make such a decision (to stay or go)?

  

  Of course this had to happen . . .

• Which leads back to class where Cory poses the same question. Suddenly, we have this wonderful moment where Maya realizes how great Farkle has been to her and Riley! (Riarkle forever)!
• Upon getting back home, they find everyone has travelled to NYC to help Topanga make her big decision (everyone from BMW that is . . .except Angela and Rachel . . .and Jack- they weren’t invited!).

  

  Look, it's (not) everyone!

• As everyone takes turns giving advice, we finally get the Sean and Mr. Turner scene we’ve been waiting over a decade for. It was nice and led to Sean announcing he wants to adopt Maya and everyone being happy for that.

  

  Look, he does exist!

  

  Finally! 

• Cory’s parents gave no real advice, Eric tells them to follow his heart, and Feeny tells them they should go! Both Morgan’s are there and the show is being really meta, acknowledging them, joking about it, and literally having them tag out.

  

  These people literally gave no advice . . .

  

  Tag Team Champs: The Morgans!

  

  This show needed more of this . . .

  

  Oh, Eric . . .

• Next, Riley gathers with her friends at Topanga’s to essentially say goodbye. She tells Zay their group was not complete without him, shares a nice moment with Smackle, tells Lucas goodbye, Farkle tells her he will always love her (because everyone knows they should have been together-imo)!

  

  Let's gather, one last time . . .

• Finally, Riley and Maya say goodbye in the . . .  you guessed it, bay window! (The show really should have been called Bay Window Meets World).
• The final scene is odd, at Topanga’s, she announces they are staying put because all of her life she wanted something of her own, like Riley’s bay window and that bakery is her bay window and she isn’t going to leave it (See! Also she probably also can’t practice law in another country, but meh, specifics). Everyone is happy and blackout!

My Thoughts:

That last scene was odd and almost just cut out, not like Soprano style, but as soon as the last word was said- BAM! Done! Now, we all knew this was not going to be BMW do-over, but we all had hoped it would have the same spirit and continue the type of storytelling BMW did. It times it succeeded in this, but it was clear this was a Disney show and sadly, as of yet, it has not had the chance to grow in the same was BMW did. Even if we had go the fourth season on Disney, I have no doubt it would have centered around the Bay window while referencing the cookie incident and poking fun at the triangle and how much older Lucas looks than the rest of them.

Let’s take a look at things that never happened:

• RIARKLE! (As well as any other pairing we all wanted).
• Taking advantage of William Daniels while they can.
• Actual issues that spanned multiple episodes (and the triangle doesn’t count because they would address it and then go five episodes with it not being a thing).
• A Rachel return. I swear  read articles back in season 2 saying the actress and the show were both open to it and it never materialized.
• A breakup that actually took a toll (it didn’t have to be Riley and Lucas). The show tackled some issues, but they could have done so much more if they were able to take on some that actual high schoolers face.

My list could go on and on and who knows, maybe one day soon, the show will be picked up on a network where everything will not have to literally be butterflies and rainbows all the time. Overall, I have enjoyed the show and all the feels that came with it. It is a Disney show after all, maybe too Disney, but thank you to everyone that read this reviews.

The last GMW scene!

I hope everyone will join us this Friday, for our first review of CW’s new show Riverdale! Thanks again!


It's over. I hate to feel this happy, but I am super happy. This show was a chore for me most of this season. I think Rider Strong recently said something about Michael Jacobs being really good at writing for younger audiences, and I agree with that. I know the target audience for this show starts at like age five, so I hesitate (believe it or not) to complain since there is an obligation to such young viewers to provide an age appropriate show. I was more OK with the material in seasons one and two since the actors, minus Lucas, were so young, but they had grown so much by season three that it just felt weird watching sixteen and seventeen year olds talk about how much their friendship means to one another. I mean, I guess there are some teens that do this in their spare time.

So the finale was all about Topanga trying to make a life altering decision. She doesn't know if she should move her family to London for a promotion, or stay where she is. Of course the move would do damage to relationships, especially Maya and Riley's since they are so close and would not be able to see one another in person on the daily. And anyway it's a big move and the family would see major changes by moving to another country. So it is a big deal. A deal so big it requires the attention of nearly the entire BMW cast to help her figure out. Feeny was there, Eric, both Morgans, Josh (why? no I know why, but why?), Amy and Alan, Minkus, and Shawn and Katy. With a short episode and so many characters, there wasn't much time for too much interaction between all of them, but they all chimed in at some point. I really could have done without Josh. What was he there for? To tease Maya? Kind of seemed that way. It just wasn't necessary. I honestly don't know how much help they really were to Topanga with their words, I think Topanga just seeing them had more of an impact on her decision than anything else.



Of course Topanga chose to stay. And the show's final message was delivered by Riley and Maya, as it should be, and it was about the importance of friendship. No way, really? Yes, really. Cool.

And now here we are. Some comments from Jacobs that I have seen seem to give promise and hope to the idea that the show could potentially continue. It wouldn't be a Disney show, we know that, so it could come back at some point and give us more mature content and stories which would be totally awesome. I won't pretend to know about these kinds of things though. For now I accept it's departure from TV. I won't really miss it, but if it comes back I'll give it another chance.

That's all for Girl Meets World. See you soon for Riverdale.

GMW 3.20 Girl Meets Sweet Sixteen

• So, here we are, one away from the end, the actual end-end unless the Disney allows GMW to be taken over by some other network. This is probably one of the show’s strongest episodes that I can remember. It showed us what kind of show that it could be, while reverting back to the show that Disney has made it!
• We begin in the bay window where Maya and Riley discuss turning sixteen. (Maya gets a great jab about how Riley is really eight and she is fifteen- I feel like that was for people like me). Riley announces she wants her sweet sixteen party despite not turning sixteen anytime soon.

  

  LOL, still not teaching History!

• In school, Cory’s lesson this week is on Landmarks . . . of your life (LOL like he’d actually teach History). Smackle and Zay are also present have genuinely funny lines as they discuss landmarks of their lives. (Maya gets another great jab about age when she tells everyone they’re going to have their sweet sixteen celebration right now when they are fifteen and Lucas is twenty four).

  

  Zay got it . . .

• This is how a show should make fun of itself. In the past it was too much jab, the wink, wink towards the audience . . .
• Cory assigns the class to tell him what will happen next in their lives. (Easiest class ever)!

  

  It's like they caught on that they're not getting a normal education . . .

• At Topanga’s some issues are finally brought up that make me LOL. First, Riley and Maya mean more than Riley and Lucas! And they’re finally going to to address Smackle and Lucas!!!! (I’m still rooting for Riarkle!) Riley and Maya also realize that more than likely, due college, they aren’t going to be together forever. (This show has all of sudden became really good!)

  

  I am certain this group would be here or in the bay window in 4 years . . .

  
  

  

  Zay looks like how we feel . . . 

  
  

  

  Smackle represents us while Zay represent's Disney!

• Farkle tells Lucas if Smackle really wants him he will step aside, ala Riley when she thought Maya liked Lucas.

  

  Even Farkle supports Smackus!

• For the first time ever, Riley and Maya seek advice from Topanga. She tells them no one can ever know but kind of be prepared and that if she had her life to do over again, she wouldn’t change a thing.

  

  Going to Topanga for advice surprised them too . . .

• The next scene, is the best set up for what could have been a great storyline that could’ve ended with us finally having Riarkle and Smackus! Riley and Maya walk back to Topanga’s and walk-in on Lucas telling Smackle they are finally alone! Instead we got Smackle admitting that she only says things like she and Lucas are going to end up together because she is insecure about her relationship with Farkle. (High school freshmen are not this mature, but whatever, Disney teased us and that is evil!!!!)

  

  The prefect setup! #Smackus

• Seriously, at this point I am so let down . . . They go back to school and Riley realizes she shouldn’t rush growing up, live in the present, blah, blah, she knows  they will all be where they are now for the next four years and she will enjoy it! Until . . .

  

  Everything is butterflies and rainbows!

• Cory, Riley and Maya go home to find Auggie upset at Topanga. Topanga announces she has been promoted to head of her firm! In London . . . To Be Continued!

  

  They do have emotions!

• So, we ended on quite the cliffhanger that could see the whole Matthews family shipped off to London! Will they go? (If so I am certain Maya will go too and they will find English versions of Lucas, Farkle and Smackle) Or will they stay (Because I never knew Topanga could practice law in another country . . .) This type of cliffhanger is so appropriate for this show, it’s just too bad it could be the season finale instead of leading to the series finale!
• One more to go! This one should truly be good!

OK, so this episode had a few really awesome moments. I really wanna focus on those moments, if I can. I'll still probably complain because it's somehow in my nature and  apparently a very unyielding part of my personality that just won't stop or go away. 

Farkle

Farkle is great when they let him be. And they rarely let him be, especially lately. They really cut him back. They used him most in the beginning when he was portrayed as an over-the-top nerd with tons of energy. Since then he's calmed down and his role seems to have shrunk. We haven't been given nearly enough Farkle over the span of this series, and sadly we probably won't be seeing much more of him. We got some pretty special Farkle time this episode and I am grateful. As usual, Smackle was being flirtatious with Lucas and the teasing led to Farkle pulling Lucas aside to talk. 

Seriously, these kids are the wisest, most mature high school students to have ever existed. Farkle tells Lucas that Smackle has feelings for him and he wants him to know that if Lucas were to ever return the feelings, then he would step aside and let them move forward. Lucas responded to this by telling Farkle he was similar to Riley and he remarked on how passionate the two were, or something along those lines. I know this is petty love drama, but it's also the closest thing to a mature topic we are gonna get with this show so I appreciate it. I also really enjoy the moments of interaction between the boys. Riley and Maya have little to no character development, but the boys really have none. They are basically just there. I mean they are supposed to be best friends with the girls, and yet I know very little about them. Of course if you aren't allowed to sit in the bay window, then you get demoted. Bay window talk is all that matters.

Smackle and Zay I've always been a big fan of Zay, so anything he does I find it charming and/or entertaining. Even if it isn't. The Smackle/Zay moment where Smackle shuts down and Zay puppets her was fun. It wasn't much at all. It wasn't some deep meaningful moment, just a fun moment. I'm at the point now where I adore moments between characters that don't usually interact, and in settings that are not the bay window. Moments CAN happen outside of it regardless of what this show has led us to believe.

And anyway, remember that time at Christmas when Smackle and Farkle gave Zay that game so they could all play it together in their free time in hopes that it would make them closer friends? Yeah. I do. So moments like this kind of confirm for me that off screen they were able to hangout and become closer.

Auggie Auggie was used so appropriately. He didn't get his own segment with Ava where they do something completely useless and silly. He sold me on his sadness regarding his mom's new job offer too. Good job Auggie!

Speaking of Topanga's new job offer...

WTF? Topanga has been the most irrelevant character this whole series. They have never known what to do with her, sticking her in the apartment to baby-sit this whole time, but now? Now they make the whole freaking finale based around a decision she has to make? I just don't get that. It was fun to have a cliffhanger and it's nice to see the girls faced with this potentially very horrible scenario of losing each other, but I'm still irked that they just now found a way to make Topanga apart of the story in a way that doesn't involve looking after Ava and Auggie. I'm excited to see what happens next week. With the reunion I half expect to see them introduce Eric Matthews as president of the country and Feeny as Jesus Christ. We shall see.